If you want to say goodbye

Updated: Feb 20

If you want to say goodbye, but feel like you can't because you feel so connected to that person, you want to keep them with you for a little longer. Letting go seems so scary, how do you proceed?

When the other person has already said goodbye, it's easier. Someone else has made the decision for you, you may feel intense sadness and of course it takes time to heal, but eventually you learn to give it a place, you pick up your life and move on. Luck awaits you around the corner.

But if you know that the other person feels the same and is trapped in their feelings, then you have to take control and make your own decision. What are you doing then? And how do you say goodbye to someone you don't want to say goodbye to?

A song comes to mind, "How do you talk to an angel" by The Heights:

"How do you talk to an angel?

How do you hold her close to where you are?

How do you talk to an angel?

It's like tryin 'to catch a falling star "

And that's how it feels to me. In this case, the other person is not an angel in the sense that he is not dead, he is alive, he is smiling, he is crying, he is just there. And all I want is to hold him as close as possible, just for a little while, one more day, one more hour, even one minute will be enough.

But I've found that the harder I try, the more I lose him. The harder I clamp, the harder he tries to get loose. And I now also understand why. I was recently asked what is "sacred" to me, what is that one thing that I would give absolutely anything for, that one thing that I absolutely could not live without.

My answer was: my freedom. This is the most important thing for me. Be free to go and do whatever I want, without fear of what anyone else thinks. I want to be free to be myself. If someone tries to 'claim' me, I also run away.

My little sister Chen, whom I call "sister," is a great example of the kind of people I need in my life.

She can call me and I don't answer, she can send me messages that I don't respond to, and sometimes we can't see or speak to each other for six months or even a year.

But when I do finally call again, she always receives me with open arms, with a lot of love and more importantly, never with questions about where I was or what I am doing, she never makes me feel blamed or guilty.

She knows that I am and she accepts it. She lets go of me and makes sure I know I can always come back.

That is why she is my 'sister'.

My other sister, Danique, who I call 'sestra' (Russian word for sister) is like that. Although she's the only person in my life who has been allowed to really 'claim' me, she doesn't.

She leaves me free to fly where I want to go, as high as possible, but at the same time she provides the safety rope that connects us so that she can always pull me back to her when needed.

As Marco Borsato, a Dutch singer say in his song named: "She":

"She holds me and sets me free

She's always there Yeah

she makes me part of her big picture

She's the better half of me "

My 'sister' and my 'sestra', my two sisters are not relatives of mine, but they are soulmates. They have taught me how to be free and still be theirs, the more freedom they give me, the more they draw me to them.

And no, it doesn't work that way for everyone. Sometimes someone releases you and you fly away because you were not supposed to stay with that person. And that is also good.

What I am trying to say is do not let go of someone hoping that he will come back, let go of someone because you love that person enough and you know he has to fly, even if it is far from you, to follow his own path to be able to find.

Sometimes the path will lead him back to you, sometimes he will stay away. Let go of another and you also free yourself from the emotional prison of sadness, pain and disappointment. Today is the day that I also let go, not in anger or sorrow, but in complete peace.

This time I want to close the article with a song (translated from Hebrew) by Arik Einstein, a famous singer in Israel:

Fly, My Chick

"Fly, My Chick

My chicks have left the nest

Spread wings and flew

And me, an old bird stayed on the nest

Hope that everything will be okey

I always knew that this day will come

When we need to say goodbye

But now it came to me in suprise

So what's the wonder that I little worried

Fly, my chick

Cut the Sky

Fly to anywhere you want to

But don't forget

Thare's an eagle in the sky

Fly away

Now we left alone in the nest

But we are together

Hug me hard, Tell me yes

Dont worry, I'ts fun to get old

Fly, my chick

Cut the Sky

Fly to anywhere you want to

But don't forget

Thare's an eagle in the sky

Fly away

I know that this is nature

And I left a nest, too

But now, at the moment

So it's make me a little sick

A little sick

Fly, my chick

Cut the Sky

Fly to anywhere you want to

But don't forget

Thare's an eagle in the sky

Fly away"

About the author

Limor Smits is an alternative life coach, shadow coach, spiritual mentor, inspirator and motivator.

In her practice she offers private sessions as well as workshops in groups.

She also organizes monthly fire women's circles and gives various inspiring and motivating lectures in which she shares stories from her personal life and experiences.

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